The official Florida man thread

[Deleted member 199]

I don't want to see a armed alligator.

An alligator would probably be more responsible with a gun, otherwise we'd have had the NRA advocating for them since they do have opposable thumbs.

Wait. Alligators have thumbs? That means their front feet aren't feet.. they're hands... and hands aren't connected to legs... they're connected to arms....


ARMED ALLIGATORS.

 

[Deleted member 199]

it’s hard to be the dumbest man in Florida

At times like this I like to refer back to the genius that is Colin Lane and Frank Woodley:

If all the village idiots, from all the villages, left their villages, and made their own village, of idiots. In that village, you would be the village idiot.

Also quite coincidental, that show was recorded in Brisbane, Queensland.. For those who don't know QLD is like Australias' Florida + Alabama combined.

 

[JayMysteri0]

Never a good sign when editorials like this start.

How do you NOT learn from the last guy who tried to avoid dealing with the life & death effects of a pandemic, to instead worry more about elections?

We’re begging you, Gov. DeSantis, stop messing in Texas and save Florida from COVID | Editorial

Florida was all over the news this past weekend with one of the nation’s biggest spikes in COVID cases and hospitalizations. And where was Gov. Ron DeSantis as this health crisis resurged? Vi…

www.orlandosentinel.com

I posted the editorial because the ads are obnoxious on the site

Florida was all over the news this past weekend with one of the nation’s biggest spikes in COVID cases and hospitalizations.

And where was Gov. Ron DeSantis as this health crisis resurged? Visiting hospitals? Consulting with physicians and public health experts?

Huddling with his staff to brainstorm ways of persuading more Floridians to take the vaccine that would nip this pandemic in the bud?

Nope. Florida’s governor was in Texas, 1,000 miles from Tallahassee, burnishing his 2024 presidential ambitions with a visit to the southern border.

The governor was back in Florida on Sunday but, once again, not to focus on the COVID health crisis but this time to make fun of Anthony Fauci in a speech before a crowd of young conservatives in Tampa.

“Fauci gets invited to throw out the first pitch at the baseball game last year but he doesn’t know how to throw a baseball,” the 42-year-old governor said of the 80-year-old public health official’s bungled attempt.

“He did the worst first pitch that I’ve ever seen anybody do,” DeSantis crowed.

Always classy, our governor, who then encouraged the Turning Point USA crowd to go buy campaign merch emblazoned with Fauci mockery.

Predictably, DeSantis said nothing in his speech about how Florida has become the poster child (except perhaps for Arkansas) for the surging number of COVID cases attributed to the wildly contagious Delta variant.

Overall new COVID cases are up nearly 200% in Florida over the past two weeks, and Florida is third in the nation in per capita increases, accounting for nearly 20% of the entire nation’s new COVID infections. The rate of positive COVID tests is now well north of 10%. Recent data show Florida with the fourth-highest rate of COVID hospitalizations and the nation’s highest average for daily deaths over the past week.

Deaths have always been a lagging indicator in this pandemic, so the current wave of cases and hospitalizations could portend another summer of grief for Florida.

Meanwhile, Florida remains mired in vaccination mediocrity, compared with the rest of the nation. We’re a middle-of -the-pack state with barely 57% of the adult population fully vaccinated, below the national average. The AARP just reported that Florida has the second lowest rate of vaccinated nursing home workers in the nation, and a lower than average population of nursing home residents vaccinated.
And the governor is making fun of how Anthony Fauci throws a baseball?

To save lives, he must start acting like Florida’s governor and less like he’s auditioning for Turning Point USA or Texas Gov. Greg Abbott or whatever Fox News host comes calling.

The governor needs to launch another vaccination tour, like the one he did earlier this year that helped get a big chunk of Florida’s senior population protected.

DeSantis and his surrogates are constantly reminding us of his success with senior vaccinations. Why not come to the aid of other Floridians now?

DeSantis said Monday that he questions the tactics of the “quote-unquote ‘experts’ who lambaste people and criticize them or say they’re stupid or something.” DeSantis said. “That’s not the way to reach folks.”

Terrific. Then speak to people in terms that you think will work. Address their concerns head-on with facts and science. Ask them to ignore the social media agents of bad faith and lies. Stand alongside his surgeon general, doctors, nurses, researchers and other public health officials who will vouch for the vaccine.

Use vaccinated seniors as a backdrop. Bring clergy members into to the effort. Buy lots of time on TV and cut ads for social media. Maybe designate your wife, Casey, as the face of the campaign, someone who could appeal to young parents.

We know that hospitalizations of vaccinated people are rare and deaths even rarer. The Orange County Department of Health said that for the past three days 100% of positive COVID cases have been among unvaccinated people. One. Hundred. Percent.

As part of the new COVID offensive, the governor needs to restore daily COVID reporting of infections, deaths and other data. Those reports ended in early June amid declines and a case positivity rate below 5%. Clearly, conditions have changed, and so should the flow of information to Floridians. Now the public is made to wait in anticipation until Friday afternoon to learn what the virus has done in Florida.
At the moment, it’s as if DeSantis has washed his hands of the matter and moved on to elections, borders, critical race theory, mocking Fauci or whatever else will get him a headline.

And every few days, nearly as many people are dying from COVID as died in the recent collapse of a condominium in South Florida.
“Leadership is about handling problems.”

That’s what DeSantis told the conservative TPUSA crowd on Sunday.
We agree. Completely.

Please, governor, we’re begging you, handle the COVID problem. Be a leader.

 

[Yoused]

"You, there, Get Off My Lawn – go die somewhere else!"

 

[B S Magnet]

"You, there, Get Off My Lawn – go die somewhere else!"

Props to any of you who choose to live in that state.

Fun fact: my future corpse, if anyone tries driving it to Florida, will reanimate itself about two kilometres from the state line and let itself out of the moving vehicle.

 

[lizkat]

Props to any of you who choose to live in that state.

Fun fact: my future corpse, if anyone tries driving it to Florida, will reanimate itself about two kilometres from the state line and let itself out of the moving vehicle.

Yeah I'm a lot more jaded than I used to be, and maybe especially with respect to how things go in Florida sometimes, but the account of that incident really shocked me. Trying to remember that outliers' behavior is what makes the news and social media as well. The question here though might end up being who's the outlier, the good Samaritan or the homeowner wanting a medical emergency to get the heck off his lawn?!

 

[B S Magnet]

The question here though might end up being who's the outlier, the good Samaritan or the homeowner wanting a medical emergency to get the heck off his lawn?!

It’s Florida. The outlier-behaviour is the gesture of good Samaritanism.

[EDIT, adding: The heavily self-centred, libertarian, “personal responsibility”, dog-and-pony show vibe throughout the state has become much harder to ignore this century, but there are also all the alligators, the humidity, the karst geography sinkholes, the swamp culture, more roaches per square inch than even Houston or New Orleans, the birthplace of COPS, and probably more organized crime sited there — or have operations there — than New York City, Boston, and Chicago combined.]

 

[B S Magnet]

Florida man, uh, washes ashore, after trying to “walk” on water to New York City… wait what

Florida man washes ashore after trying to ‘walk’ to New York in bubble device

Reza Baluchi told the coast guard he was headed 1,000 miles north in a running wheel contraption but ended up 30 miles south

www.theguardian.com

 

[Yoused]

Florida man, uh, washes ashore, after trying to “walk” on water to New York City… wait what

Florida man washes ashore after trying to ‘walk’ to New York in bubble device

Reza Baluchi told the coast guard he was headed 1,000 miles north in a running wheel contraption but ended up 30 miles south

www.theguardian.com

Florid, yes, but you kind of have to admire his pluck. It reminds me of going to the flank of Mt St Helens (when it was an actual pointy mountain), looking at that slope just right there and thinking, oh, it would be nothing to hike right up that. Pluck is all well and good, but it needs to be tempered with neurons.



("Florid" is my new adjective for "what the ever-loving fuck were you thinking?")

 

[fooferdoggie]

Florida correction men KKK Members

Inside a KKK murder plot: Grab him up, take him to the river​

Inside a KKK murder plot: Grab him up, take him to the river

Joseph Moore breathed heavily, his face slick with nervous sweat. Puffy dark clouds blocked the sun as Moore greeted another man, who’d pulled up in a metallic blue sedan. “KIGY, my brother,” Moore said.

news.yahoo.com

 

[JayMysteri0]

Freaky ‘Penis Snakes’ Have Finally Made It to the U.S., and of Course They Chose Florida

The legless amphibians are probably harmless, most certainly hideous—and possibly here to stay.

gizmodo.com

When I was asked a few weeks ago if I wanted to go to Florida again...

Desantis, Covid, and now penis snakes?

 

[lizkat]

A prime example of the stereotypical "Florida man" (Ron DeSantis) is way out in Utah making speeches towards a 2024 presidential run, while his subjects constituents argue over how best to deal with a surge in covid delta variant. Sounds presidential if you like that former guy's ways. This and other Florida matters were all duly covered in today's edition of Politico's Florida Playbook newsletter.

Divided we fall — You couldn’t have a had more stunning split-screen view of the polarization over Covid-19 in Florida than in the previous 24 hours.

Surge — News that Florida’s daily Covid-19 count soared to more than 16,000 new cases on Tuesday and hospital beds are beginning to fill up, has brought new fears that the coronavirus is raging uncontrolled across the state once again.

Response — It was accompanied by a wave of reactions from local leaders. Broward County schools said they are keeping in place a mask mandate for schools despite Gov. Ron DeSantis' opposition. Some county governments announced vaccine mandates for their employees. Even Disney World responded late Wednesday that they would once again require visitors to wear masks.

Way out west — While this was going on back home, DeSantis was more than 2,000 miles away in Utah, where he gave a speech at the American Legislative Exchange Council (not on his public schedule by the way, but hey, transparency) where he mocked the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and proclaimed his continued resistance to mandates and lockdowns.

Gotta love that DeSantis does not put a speech to ALEC in Utah on his public schedule. Maybe he didn't want Trump to notice that he's signaling ever more strongly that his hat is in the ring for 2024, even as the GOP struggles just to get through midterms without fracturing. It must be a little awkward trying to kiss The Don's ring even as DeSantis begins trying to supplant Trump in the hearts and minds of Trump's fan base. Even it The Don eggs him on in private, surely DeSantis knows not to strut into spotlights at angles likely to put The Don in the shade...

Or maybe DeSantis simply doesn't want to remind some old-school GOP conservatives who are high dollar donors about Ron's hip-weld to the unruly end of whatever's left of the whole spectrum of fans of Donald Trump. It's early days yet, and no one can be sure how the GOP's factions will align as the midterms approach, never mind 2024.

And then there's just DeSantis demonstrating stupid speech, poor judgment, ill timed actions. As a governor of his state, he should be a cut above the stereotyped limitations of "Florida man" behavior. But he seems not to understand that covid is a wily opponent of a rigid approach to infecting people. As the virus mutates to test immunity, and as infection rates change, so do responsible policymakers at federal, state and local levels have to be flexible, innovative and so try to stay one step ahead. or at least not fall so far back that a potential overrun of medical care resources ramps up to a credible concern yet again.

So one might ask not only why DeSantis is mocking CDC but why he's wandered 2000 miles away to spout his pre-presidential stuff in front of likeminded rightwingers at ALEC, when the lives of his own state's citizens are again at heightened risk from covid.

 

[fooferdoggie]

Florida man injured after sticking his arm in jaguar pen at local zoo​

Florida man injured after sticking his arm in jaguar pen at local zoo

A man got clawed by a jaguar at the Jacksonville Zoo in Florida Wednesday, after he jumped over a safety barrier and stuck his arm into an enclosure, local reports said.

nypost.com

 

[fooferdoggie]

nothing like losing you kid cause your so drunk.

Man charged with DUI, neglect after police say he left child alone at business​

Man charged with DUI, neglect after police say he left child alone at business

Man picks child up from daycare then forgets he left him at another business.

www.news4jax.com

 

[JayMysteri0]

At some point even this asshole's supporters have to admit what he does Covid related has absolutely NOTHING to do with the concern of Floridians.

https://www.twitter.com/i/web/status/1423474658838552576/

Addition:

 

[fooferdoggie]

LEE COUNTY, Fla. — A 33-year-old Davie man was arrested on Sunday for allegedly impersonating a law enforcement officer on Sunday, August 1.

Sean Haynes allegedly caused a disturbance at a Publix supermarket on Palm Beach Boulevard and left on a moped, witnesses told deputies with the Lee County Sheriff’s Office.

Haynes was pulled over shortly after the disturbance and claimed to be an agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation, deputies said. He even provided deputies with a false badge number with identification during the stop.

Turns out, Haynes was not an FBI agent, but rather a man with a warrant out of Broward County for trespassing.

Florida man with trespassing warrant claims to be FBI agent during Lee County traffic stop

The man even provided deputies with a false badge number with identification during the stop.

nbc-2.com

 

[fooferdoggie]

Pembroke Pines martial arts instructor arrested for allegedly placing hidden cameras in bathroom​

Pembroke Pines martial arts instructor arrested for allegedly placing hidden cameras in bathroom

According to Pembroke Pines Police, 64-year-old Robert Franco was arrested on Friday.

www.local10.com

 

[SuperMatt]

Florida church gets “woke” to vaccination.

6 members of a Florida church died of Covid-19 in 2 weeks, pastor says. On Sunday the church held a vaccination clinic | CNN

In just two weeks, six members of a Florida church died from Covid-19. All were unvaccinated, their pastor said.

www.cnn.com

 

[fooferdoggie]

Florida church gets “woke” to vaccination.

6 members of a Florida church died of Covid-19 in 2 weeks, pastor says. On Sunday the church held a vaccination clinic | CNN

In just two weeks, six members of a Florida church died from Covid-19. All were unvaccinated, their pastor said.

www.cnn.com

you beat me to it. it only took 6 deaths to do what you were told about a year ago.

 

[JayMysteri0]

https://www.twitter.com/i/web/status/1425983821737046018/